good morning in a hoarse voice

I feel hot.feel like having a fever but not. I can't understand how i want him to be around yet can't stand having him at a meter radius without any wall or obstruction.not in a negative way but in an uncomfortable awkward way. And i hate the feeling of wanting to run away again, i always want the easy way out. I don't know but i just like him too much. I like his energy, his persistence, his sense of humor. He's a breath of fresh air. i can keep quiet, just listen to him and feel settled. Sometimes when he jokes i feel like retaliating but the thought that somebody knows stops me. and sometimes i just feel like telling him i like him or that i always think of him thinking that might give me some comfort but then why would i tell him when he would not want to know anyway?