Movies

Rio.awake.no strings attached.riot.indecent proposal.

Movies

Awake.no strings attached.riot.rio.indecent proposal.

turned down again my ass

'i've been turned down again'. Hindi mu lang alam pero iniisip ku un sinabi mu hanggang pag-uwi ko. Di ku tuluy alam if i did the right thing. I would have wanted to hug you but i guess i want to deprive myself of what i want because i don't want to love you more than i already do and i just don't feel it's right. for you it's just a simple hug but for me it's more than that so i feel guilty. Anu bang iniisip mo? Pabor kaya sa kin un. Kung alam mu lang kung ganu kita kagusto. Nakakatawa pero it's what everyone says 'i like you too much it hurts'. Gustu kung umiyak ng umiyak para lang mabawasan ang bigat ng nararandaman ko pero ayaw lumabas eh. Ang sakit sakit. Taz gustu ku rin sanang pumunta sa championship nyo kasu wala akong kasama. Sa monday di ko talaga alam kung anung gagawin ko. Imbes na kakalimutan na sana kita tapus you'll act as if i'm special to you kaya gustung gustu na naman kita. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Ayaw kong masaktan ka pero un ba ang ginagawa ko?

Back to School Theme

I acted very stupidly today. Think i would be needing more of these so i can finally forget him. It's so embarassing i don't want to even think about it anymore.

Pay day

I was reading a post in fb a while back about someone who's with his mom, his bro and gf and i realized i've gotten over him, there's really nothing you can't forget i guess, if you have every reason to. For the present one, have missed him for a day,he was on leave. I was fighting the urge to catch attention, so just sat in front of my computer and kept it low. I'm not in the mood to be rowdy either anyway. I guess what i like about myself is i could easily recover if i know that you don't really care for me as i believe you to. I easily fall for people who i think treats me special but if i eventually realize it's really not what i think it is then letting go is a breeze. Guess i need to be on a lookout to that something that would wake me up from the current spell i'm under. Been hearing things but still need a greater push that will get me back to my senses.someday..

Nostalgia

He was the first one to tell me i love you. Can't forget that day. How can someone say something they don't mean? My heart hurts. Can't get over it. He said, 'i love you, Chynna'. All i afforded to say is 'take care' and i can't even remember if i ever said it at all. Although it's not true i felt happy and the scene just keeps on coming back. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy as one song puts it but also tortures me at the same time. Love hurts lol.

2nd day to what seems like forever

The let's-get-back-to-normal i-think-this-is-the-normal-thing-to-do period. My pretentiousness is disgusting but i can't help it. I keep telling myself that i don't want to force myself and i'm not but regardless, it's painful... in an intangible way. Seeing him coming and putting on a blank face (i don't think it's normal for me to smile or even catch his attention.,) but unconsciously i know i'm trying to catch attention..the made-up laughter,the effort to speak and create a conversation with my seatmates. It's nauseously tiring and stressful. I'm losing my resolve..the i-don't-want-to-force-myself mentality is restraining me to have myself let go but the apathy and passiveness is not helping me either and i don't know of any other way of coping. I feel stupid and i don't like this feeling. i would tell myself again that i'll be quiet tomorrow but would end up doing otherwise.