It's cruel

'What if he courts you', he said to her, 'would you want to be his mistress?' And i was sitting there,feeling the awkward rush on my face,scared that he would see and notice what's running on my mind.

Not exactly

Not word-for-word but i think he said something like: my body is yours. Do what you want to do with me. Put me inside a triple wall corrugated box. *i just admire his way with words and his wit. Too bad.*

What did you say?

He said his heart belongs to me but i know it never was. Sometimes jokes and flirtings can be irritating especially when a part of you is wishing it's true lol

Wednesday

As of i now, i a not able to stop liking you but i can have myself stay sane and proper. Whatever.

Dizzy

I guess i'll never be able to control my thoughts and actions when i see you or look at you. I also won't know how you interpret what you see and i won't how you feel about it..if you're getting pissed,annoyed,irritated,angry,indifferent or what and sometimes even if i don't want to think about any of this unfortunately i just do. That sometimes i feel relieved when i manage to get you out of my mind for some time. I know i'm thinking too much, after this i don't want to think about it anymore. When will everything become normal and when can i start treating you like anyone else? Am i being unfair to you? I don't even know because i also don't know how i will be treating you if i don't feel this way about you. Is there something i'm not doing? Do i have to do something? Is there another way to do this? Should i be amiable instead of distant? Should i even bother? Will i ever be able to get back to this post and tell myself 'wow,i was able to move on!'? Is it wrong to want to see you? Should i restrain myself? Is it wrong to like the way you talk or act? Should i stop myself? Is it wrong to feel happy when you talk to me? Is it wrong to wish that you are around? Is it wrong to indulge myself on listening to you because i find it pleasant? Is it wrong to accidentally look at where you are? Is it wrong to not feel comfortable and feel awkward when you're nearby? Is it wrong to not be able to strike a normal conversation with you as i do with everyone else?

The Remedy

I think the only other way that I can eventually forget him is if he push me hard enough.

Going in circles

Just woke up and thought about him again